If I could give John Kerry one word of advise, only one word
whispered in his ear, it would be this: PLASTICS!
No wait, not that. It would be this, Honestly: SLOGANS!
KERRY SHOULD SET UP A DEPARTMENT OF SLOGANS AND ZINGERS! ASAP!
KERRY SHOULD RUN HIS CAMPAIGN LIKE A LENO MONOLOGUE!!
ALL SLOGANS ALL THE TIME! AND THEN THROW IN A "ZINGER" ONCE IN A
WHILE.
Now, this is very easy to do. E-mail me if you really DON'T know how
to do it.
People hate a candidate who answers a question:
"For thirty years in the Senate I've worked on this problem......"
OH, PLEASE! STOP. YOU'RE GOING TO BE "INVENTING THE INTERNET" SOON!
IT'S ALL SLOGANS FROM NOW TIL NOVEMBER! ALL SOUND BITES! ALL STUFF
THAT "FITS" INTO A 10 SECOND NEWS STORY ON LOCAL TELEVSION! OK?
Example;
"The difference between myself and Mr Bush is I'm the candidate WHO
ACTUALLY HAS A DOMESTIC AGENDA."
"Four more years of Dubya wouldn't be a "walk on the beach," so throw
away those flip-flops, Mr Bush!"
Kerry should start campainging WITH A PAIR OF FLIP-FLOPS, and say, if
jobs keep going overseas the American Workers won't even be able to
afford a pair of cheap Chinese-made flip-flops!
See the point? DON'T RUN FROM YOUR OPPONENTS "SYMBOLS!" EMBRACE AND
CO-OPED THEM! Isn't that obvious to Kerry's team yet?
THERE ARE LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF ZINGERS AND SLOGANS THAT CAN BE MADE
UP! USE EM! ALL SLOGANS! ALL ZINGERS! ALL THE TIME!
SET UP A "ZINGER TEAM" AND A "SLOGAN TEAM" LOSE THE "RICH MANS
SPORTS," LIKE WIND SURFING! IT'S A TURN OFF.....
GO TO BAR-B-QUES A LOT. TRY SHORT SLEAVE SHIRTS; THEY'RE BIG DOWN IN
DIXIE.
NEVER WEAR "FUNNY HATS!" NEVER! AND NEVER POSE WITH ODD LOOKING
PEOPLE, WHO ARE WEARING FUNNY HATS! (See Republicans in yesterdays'
NYT.) It's always a set up.
Never talk in sentences that are over 10 words long. Place an
electric "shocker" in your pocket and have an "official word counter"
shock you when you do. Never use complex sentence structures.
People will hate you for it.
AND LASTLY, SAVE YOUR BEST ZINGERS FOR THE DEBATES! AND DO NOT GO
INTO THE DEBATES WITHOUT A POCKET FUL OF ZINGERS FOR EVERY POSSIBLE
CIRCUMSTANCE. AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO REALLY INSULT DUBYA AS LONG AS
IT'S TRUE, AND DONE WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE. AVOID ANGER AT ALL
COSTS.
ALWAYS REMEMBER, HUMOR KILLS IN POLITICS! IF YOU CAN GET PEOPLE
LAUGHING AT YOUR OPPONENT, YOU'VE WON!!
DON'T WORRY THE GUYS ON THE BAR STOOLS WILL "GET IT." EVEN IF THE
PUNDITS ARE INITIALLY "SHOCKED."
NEVER BE AFRAID TO TAKE SOME CHANCES WITH THE TRUTH!
ALL RECENT DEMOCRATIC LOSERS HAVE BEEN GUILTY MOSTLY OF "OVER
THINKING" THEIR CAMPAIGNS!
THIS AIN'T ROCKET SCIENCE! If it were Dubya wouldn't have made it
out of the BUSH LEAGUES!
GOOD LUCK, AND MAY THE BEST MAN WIN!
Postscript: And, start "Flip-Flopping." Now before it's too late.
More on this later............
