I was standing in line at Starbucks this moring; when suddenly the
scales literally fell from my eyes!
(Actually it was a contact lens! Thank God, I thought I was having a
stroke!)
SUDDENLY! IT ALL BECAME CLEAR TO ME, WHY THIS ELECTION CYCLE IS
SO VERY VERY STRANGE.
It's all about: WHAT'S EATING THE STUPID WHITE PEOPLE! AMERICA'S
UNSUNG MINORITY GROUP! So, let me sing about them:
MANY STUPID WHITE PEOPLE FEEL TOTALLY LEFT OUT OF OUR "MINORITY-
ORIENTED" POLITICAL PROCESSES! (I MEAN IF YOU'RE NOT A SPECIAL
INTEREST, OR A MINORITY, WHO REPRESENTS YOU IN WASHINGTON THESE DAYS?)
IN TRUTH, THAT'S WHY STUPID WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO AVIDLY
SUPPORTING MR BUSH IN THIS ELECTION;
DESPITE HIS DISMAL RECORD! NOT BECAUSE OF IT!
Consider:
Gays have Will and Grace, and Ellen....right?
Blacks have Jesse and Al...right?
Evangelicals have Pat and Jerry....OK?
BUT WHO REPRESENTS STUPID WHITE PEOPLE?
THEY ARE TOTALLY "THE FORGOTTEN MINORITY" IN AMERICA.
OK,...there is Homer Simpson, but still, he's a cartoon character!
And, even a stupid person knows that you can't really "be
represented" by a cartoon character; no matter how much he is "like
you."
ENTER DUBYA:
All over America Stupid White People were and are flocking to the
candidacy of Geo W. Bush.
But why? I say it's because he represents this vast unsung minority
in America: Our truly forgotten minority: The Stupid White People.
Now let's face facts, stupid people are constantly being teased and
put down in their daily lives. By Bosses! By teachers! By
government workers!
True, stupid people have a hammer-lock on network television
programing!
Which caters directly to their unique tastes.
But "stupids" never really had a spokesman at the National Level.
UNTIL GEO W. BUSH CAME ALONG.
SUDDENLY, STUPID PEOPLE ALL OVER AMERICA SAID: HE'S LIKE ME! HE
TALKS LIKE ME. HE ACTS LIKE ME. HE LOOKS LIKE ME! HE IS ME!
Indeed, most stupid people were made to believe that you had to "be
smart" to be president; or even to be a leader in the private sector.
SUDDENLY, THAT WAS NO LONGER SO!
EVEN A STUPID WHITE GUY CAN BE PRESIDENT! AND WE'RE GOING TO DEFEND
HIM, NO MATTER HOW BAD HE SCREWS UP!
This is powerful stuff, folks.....that's why stupid white folks are
sticking with Bush, NO MATTER WHAT!
I mean what are the chances of another guy this dumb becoming
president again in our lifetimes? Zilch! So hang on to the dream,
Four More Years, Baby!
Dubya is even doing well with stupid white women. And, why not!
Look a the Kerrys: She's a Billionairess. He's tall, dignified
and a windsurfer, yet......
And, the Bushs? Gosh, Laura is THE ideal spokeswomen for stupid
women all over America.
I mean, what lower class woman can't co-miserate with someone who'se
lived with a guy who's dumb as a fence post! And drinks constantly!
No wonder American women like Larua more than Teresa!
THAT, GENTLE READER, IS REALLY WHAT'S EATING STUPID WHITE PEOPLE ALL
ACROSS AMERICA! DON'T DENY IT.....YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE.
AT LAST, STUPID PEOPLE HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO REPRESENTS
THEIR LONG FORGOTTEN "MINORITY GROUP!"
IT TOOK A WHILE, BUT WE SHALL OVERCOME, BABY!
SO MOVE OVER BLACKS! GAYS! HISPANICS! ARABS! JEWS! NADERITES!
THE RICH!
WE ARE THE STUPID WHITE PEOPLE OF AMERICA!
WE'RE HERE! WE'RE STUPID! GET USED TO IT!!
AND REMEMBER, VOTE FOR BUSH!
Postscript: Coming soon---"Should we eat the rich?" Shocking new
information discovered on this important topic!
